What an oxymoron! What paradox! How perfect to describe my life as told in “God Never Hurries,” with a present moment clock! Picture a flip chart easel with paper and a clock face with the word “NOW” at 12, 3, 6 & 9 o’clock and “now” at 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8 10 and 11 o’clock. Between each quarter hour, running around the circumference of the clock, instead marks to delineate seconds are the repeating words: ”struggle—growth—transformation—forgiveness.” I drew such a clock to help me describe the indescribable for my presentation titled, “Does Nature Speak to You?” at the Schlitz Audubon Nature Center this past week. And centered on my clock’s face I wrote:
Underneath my present moment clock I wrote:
I continued my presentation by reading from my October 7, 2013 post, “Recycling Pain,” which ponders how this mysterious God, who somehow lives within us, grows us through suffering; and my May 20, 2013 post, “The Paradox of Fear,” which sourced the grace I experienced in nature. I didn’t know how else I could start telling my story of help and comfort with the tension and pain surrounding my again parents’ care needs.
From there I could relate how the Sun, beaming through the trees brought solace letting me know I was worthy of good self-care. I could tell of the saplings on a muddy slope letting me know I would need help. I told of the huge oak tree where I would go for communion and strength; and my Courage Recipe telling me to trust my mind, heart and gut. I could then relate the curious deer that sparked my curiosity and led me to know I can question everything; and another deer that taught me all is Eucharist. I could tell about the writer’s block that began with a bumper sticker and its release after I understood and wrote everything is a both/and thing; and how understanding my complicity in abuse was the way out of it. I could tell of the dead alewives that let me accept the messiness of life, and tall gray herons appearing as a darker color of dense fog letting me feel the seamless world soul. And finally I told of the power of true forgiveness and coming to know both the struggle and reward of being true to myself.
What if whenever we look at a clock we could always see it is Now and know if we stay there we will grow?