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| The Mystery within... |
I always look forward to my annual retreat weekend with a
wonderful group of women. This year’s “Women Gathering” was again, very
lightly but expertly facilitated by the incomparable team of Cathy Gawlik and
Dawn Zak from Way of the Willow, and with assistance from a soft drummer and
another’s healing touch. In reviewing
this year’s instructions on what to bring, in addition to the usual journal to
write in and a shawl for our “Wise Women” ceremony Saturday night, we were asked
to include a stone that represented our female ancestors, and also to take some
time to reflect on this year’s theme, “The Name I call Myself.” I felt some
hesitancy with that assignment since Marcia is not a name I would have chosen
for myself. I decided not to work too
hard on that assignment after opening a Yogi tea pouch and reading the little
saying at the end of the string, “Let things come to you.” It spoke to and comforted me. I let go of any anxiety for reflecting on the
name I call myself.
I was amazed the majority of women in our circle also were
not fond of their given names. Each woman
offered different reasons from her past for why she did not like her name. Every story was unique and highlighted how
truly different we all are. It helped me
understand, on a whole new level, why we must come to find our own personal
solutions to life’s difficulties. The energy
from our sharing/listening/caring circle eventually led each of us to answers
for our own struggles. For me, the weekend was a journey deep within myself,
where Mystery lives both in shadow and light, and how my embrace of both brings
healing.
When I put on my wise woman shawl for Saturday night’s
ceremony I did feel wiser than before the retreat’s beginning. When I spoke my name, Marcia, and heard it repeated
back to me by the group, it felt softer
and more acceptable. This transformation
came through a frustration I felt in not being able to find words to comfort my
inner child. So I asked my inner child,
“Why can’t I find words to comfort you?”
She responded, “Because I am the one who is to comfort you. They did the best they knew how.” I now love knowing my inner child is there to
help. Together we came up with our own
private nickname, Sophie.
Sunday morning’s closing ceremony brought me more insight as
I shared why I chose the stone I brought to represent my female ancestors. I did acknowledge I knew little of my
father’s mother and only a little more of my mother’s mother, and that is where
knowledge of my female ancestry ends. The stone I brought has in its center a wide spiral formed by a large
fossilized snail shell. I see in that dark
spiral those who have come before me and to whom I will eventually become a
part. And the story of how the stone
came to me was important as well. One
afternoon at the beach, a man called me over to see a fossil he had just
found. When I oohed and awed over the
beauty of that dark spiral he said, “You can have it.” I was surprised and grateful for his gift and have
come to know we are the gift to one another.
Memories of this Women Gathering retreat would be incomplete
without acknowledging Kim McMillen’s deep insights in her simple book, “When I Loved Myself Enough.” On each page is
one brief affirmation of a gift she received when she learned to love herself
enough. During the weekend I saw how
very important it is to love myself enough, both my shadow and light, because
that comes before we can truly love the other.
“What if we loved our self enough, more often?”
