Decision Time

The Mystery within...

My refrigerator suddenly sounded terminally ill. The frozen yogurt was turning to soup.  I was beginning to have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach until I realized I could decide how this new wrinkle was going to affect me.  I reviewed my knowledge and resources. 

I called my neighbor to get the name of a local merchant she recently dealt with who gave her a loaner refrigerator until she could get delivery on a new unit.  She then offered me some of her freezer space temporarily.  I called the dealer and also its service department and heard what I knew I would hear.  Ten years is the average life expectancy for refrigerators today.  I decided I didn’t want to put repair money into an eleven year old one. 

As I drove to the store I remembered how I shuffled some money around after I purchased my new car and held out an extra thousand dollars for emergencies, grateful now for that foresight, as well as my car that got me to the showroom.  There was only one salesman who was on his cell phone--for a very long time.  I hoped it was a really important call.  An office staff person showed me a few models but could not answer all my questions.  When the salesman finally came over he apologized for his call and said he may have to take a call back from his doctor.  He had an anguished look on his face and told me he is having sever back pain.  (I was pleased I decided not to jump to conclusions regarding his cell phone use and that I currently did not have sever back pain.)  My purchase options were limited to color only on one model that would fit in my existing space without moving a cupboard and kitchen counter.  That made my decision easy.  We closed the deal.  I told him I was sorry for his back trouble and he filled out a $50.00 dollar rebate form for me and thanked me for shopping locally. 

I most likely would have saved money if I shopped around but I also gained from my decision to shop locally.  I did not have to drive to a major shopping area, find parking and endure holiday crowds.  I did not get a loaner refrigerator but made due with my helpful neighbor’s freezer space, my forty-year old refrigerator in the basement, and a cool garage.  Instead of a “woe is me” attitude over my refrigerator’s demise I became grateful for the trove of food I have, and that I will be able to pay for a new refrigerator.  I am thankful for all my other appliances that are currently working, and for the large serving spoon I was really missing that turned up under my old refrigerator.  And this change also got me to clean under my stove and mop the kitchen floor—a long time needed accomplishment.  The delivery order was for Monday between 9:00 a.m. and noon, with a note to please be patient if they arrive later, since they may run into problems with earlier deliveries—a nice touch I thought to restrain my ego.  The truck pulled into my driveway at 3:00 p.m. with my acceptance in tack. 

I know all of life’s challenges come with hidden gifts.  Some take longer to realize.  My refrigerator’s demise taught me I can consciously decide to look for them.

What if I, and the rest of us, could approach all of life’s challenges looking for their hidden gifts?           

So Who Are We?

God is...

David Sloan Wilson shares some of Teilhard de Chardin’s (1881 – 1955) ideas on how we have come to be who we currently are.  Even though the Catholic Church forbid this priest, paleontologist and mystic from publishing his work, friends did so after his death.  David Sloan Wilson writes, “For Teilhard, the vital spark that transformed us from a mere species to a new evolutionary process is the capacity for reflection…the power acquired by a consciousness to turn in upon itself, to take possession of itself as an object endowed with its own particular consistency and value…to know oneself…to know that one knows. …  For Teilhard, there had to be an atmosphere of trust for reflection to get started in the first place.” 

Wilson attributes modern dysfunctional social life to a lack of trust in one another—think bitter political disputes for which the only goal is to beat one’s opponent.  He states, “Left unattended, cultural evolution will take us where we don’t want to go.”  Small groups, with trustworthy social partners are seen as essential to counteract dysfunction.  He uses the metaphor of the human immune system for it is profoundly cooperative requiring a team of agents performing different functions that are in constant communication with one another.  Alternatively, a dysfunctional immune system eventually destroys its host.  He says what’s needed is a meaning system that respects factual knowledge as scientists and scholars do, and then use that knowledge to implement values.  To sustain a functional social life we must listen, reflect and give meaning to our goals.

One of the factual studies Wilson cites is of a transformational first grade teacher who taught school for thirty-four years in a poor neighborhood.  As her former students became adults they were measured for grade of education completed, occupational attainment, and condition of their home.  Sixty-four percent of her students scored in the highest category, compared with only 29 percent for students of the other teachers.  When the other teachers were asked how this first grade teacher taught they said with a lot of love by expressing confidence in her children, vowing that no child would leave her class without being able to read, staying after school to help struggling children, and sharing her lunch with students who forgot theirs.   Sloan says gardeners would understand these stunning results since they “…know that a small difference in how the seedlings are tended can make a huge difference in their yield at the end of the season.”

Looking back over my 70 years I can see how small groups of people helped me evolve and overcome the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.  But I believe my greatest assist came when I reflected and wrote each evening for three years as I struggled with my aging parents care needs.  And Teilhard was definitely with me during that difficult time for when life got especially tough I would stumble across his prayer, “Above All Trust in the Slow Work of God.”

What if we all belonged to a trusted small helping group and reflected each day on our struggles?