Unconditional Love

The Mystery within...

Could life’s greatest journey be learning to accept and love everyone and all things unconditionally?  Stepping-stones to that end, or puzzle pieces I have found so far, has shown me that breathing from my heart, where the Great Mystery resides, helps me think and act from my heart, appreciating how hard life can sometimes be for the other, and myself. My heart breathing/thinking can lead me to unconditional empathy.  Unconditional empathy leads to unconditional kindness toward the other, and myself.  By learning to be kind to myself I came to know the transformative power in kindness, and also came to understand I will never regret being kind to others. Unconditional kindness can foster reciprocity and lead to friendliness with whoever or whatever comes my way.  Accepting what is, being empathic, kind and friendly to whoever or whatever shows up in my life looks like a lesson plan for loving unconditionally.  This is the transformative work of a lifetime requiring much forgiveness, patience and trust.    

Could the hard to love be here to teach how to love unconditionally?  Could going high when the other goes low shrink our egos and open a path toward mutual transformation?  Could breathing and thinking from our hearts grow empathy for the absence of transformative hardships in the lives of the hard to love? Could being patient in the face of oppression highlight the importance of tolerance, respect and sharing?  Could responding to violence with loving compassion teach we can’t go wrong with its hopeful forbearance?  Could being of generous spirit, wanting good for the other, highlight what is important in life?  Could being forgiving of self and all others grow us as peacemakers?  Could not blaming, shaming, or imposing guilt when wronged open our hearts to the bigger reality of the Divine Mystery within?  Could believing justice will be kind and accomplished over a period of time comfort us?  This is the transformative work of a lifetime requiring much forgiveness, patience and trust.  

Be curious about the hard to love and their role in our lives. It is how we come to understand the Great Mystery’s work in our lives. 

The poet Rumi understood the paradox of unconditional love: 

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent 

as a guide from beyond.

What if the hard to love are here to teach us how to love unconditionally?

Conscious Women and Men

The Mystery within...   

I know my consciousness came through darkness and struggle with abuse that I suspect is at the heart of all consciousness.  My first need was for courage.  I list ingredients for courage in "God Never Hurries:"

"Courage Recipe:

Accept my fear.

Trust my mind, heart and gut.

Trust God.

Trust others and learn from their reactions." 

Also from my memoir:  "Early the next morning, while my parents were still asleep, I read an article in a publication called Radical Grace.  A 68-year-old grandmother wrote it to her granddaughter on her graduation in hopes that she could help her choose life.  She wrote of unholy martyrdom, diseased concepts of sin, masochistic obedience, and the need to always search for truth.  Her words touched deeply."  And "…the following morning while they still slept I read another article in the same publication that spoke of women's compliance and the resulting destructive behaviors I know too well."

I recently listened to a video interview between Jungian Analyst Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen M.D. and Sue Monk Kidd http://suemonkkidd.com/media-room/media-features/video/, author of "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter."  In the video Kidd tells of a controversy resulting from a presentation she gave in a convent's space.  A ninety plus year old looking nun in authority called her in the office and questioned if the controversy was true.  Upon confirmation the nun replied, "It's high time people know that God is more than two men and a bird."  Which led me to ponder a recipe for abuse.

Abuse Recipe:

Claim masculine superiority.

Refuse to integrate feminine spirituality that honors the body and the earth.

Silence dissenting voices.

Create doctrine and dogma that obscures the sacredness of everyday life.

Claim infallibility.

What if we all questioned the heart of our spiritual conciousness?

Project Belonging

The Mystery within...

I had a dream last night about a project to get everyone, everywhere to learn and speak a language of belonging.  It was one of those dreams when upon awakening it quickly fades from memory.  But I seem to recall the whole world was involved in creating a belonging language and just before awakening I was in a classroom of young children who were excited to be working on this project.  No doubt this dream was the result of listening to john a. powell’s conversation with Krista Tippet last week on how we might open up our anguished race conversation into the spiritual work of self and belonging.

Powell was right when he said we do not yet have the words to speak what needs to be said about race relations in America.  I looked up belong in my Thesaurus and most of the synonyms left me cold with references to card carrying members.  There were some words like respect, regard, concern, involve and touch that fit with powell’s focus on the spiritual work needed to promote belonging.  I believe the language of belonging will come forth when we all know, on a gut level, how deeply we are connected to one another and the natural world.

My knowing of this deep connection came when fear and intuition led me into nature where I encountered an Energy that told me to “Be not afraid” and led me to trust I would be shown the way to work through my struggles with my aging parents’.  I was shown my complicity in my troubles and gradually found ways to change myself--the only person I really can change.  It seems fear permeates both sides of race relations in America today.  Perhaps asking to know our complicity in this trouble will eventually lead us to a caring language of belonging where we all fit together. 

What if everyone everywhere worked on project belonging?

Hopeful Future

The Mystery within...

I attended a retreat on the lives and writings of the psychoanalyst Carl Jung and the Jesuit priest, scientist, and mystic, Teilhard de Chardin.  At the closing session we were asked to share if we had hope for the future, and if so, what gave us that hope.

I said I was aware of many crones in our group and that gave me hope.  One of the men asked what a crone was and another man responded, “A crone is a wise woman.”

I looked forward to this retreat since Jung and Chardin’s writings were important to my healing and new life that came from the struggles I wrote of in my memoir.  I read to the group the following two paragraphs from Estes that I included in ”God Never Hurries.”

"The Jungian psychologist, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, describes the attributes of crones in, “Women Who Run with the Wolves.”  She is the '…Wild Woman archetype, the innate instinctual Self, …the mucky root of all women…' going about the '…work of soulful reclamation…a creative fire…a force that women cannot live without.'  Wild women know '…instinctively when things must die and when things must live; they know how to walk away, they know how to stay.” 

“In ‘being good,’ a woman closes her eyes to everything obdurate, distorted, or damaging around her, and just tries to ‘live with it.’  Her attempts to accept this abnormal state further injured her wild instincts to react, point out, change, make impact on what is not right, what is not just.”

I told the group Estes' book put me on a new, although very difficult path, where I learned to make major life-giving changes.  One of those struggles involved leaving the church of my birth.  After I confided my angst with a trusted priest, he told me there are two ways change happens.  One was to stay and work for change from within; the other was to promote change by leaving.  The relief I felt in leaving was so very freeing, and I could still respect those who chose to stay and work for change from within.

I concluded my comments to the group with Teilhard de Chardin’s prayer about learning trust, “Above All Trust in the Slow Work of God,” that closes my memoir.  I told them whenever life got really tough somehow that old Xeroxed copy of his prayer would find me and give me strength.  Also comforting and endearing for me was Chardin’s deep respect for women and his understanding of the Divine spark in everything and everyone.  Even though he was rebuked in his lifetime for his beliefs, he trusted in the slow work of God his loving vinedresser.  In his words:

Yet it is the law of all progress that is made

By passing through some stages of instability

And that may take very long time.

Which takes me back to Carl Jung and his belief that we have to face and feel the darkness that comes with life and let it teach us. And so it was with me.  Growth only came after leaning into my pain, reflecting on it, and working through it.

What if we all found hope for the future in both the light and darkness of our lives?     

Life's Messy

The Mystery within..

There was a vacuum cleaner commercial some years back with the slogan, “Life’s messy.  Clean it up.”  I’ve learned from life’s traumas to keep cleaning because like vacuuming it’s not something I do once.  Learning from trouble requires ongoing engagement.  The important thing is to do the work again and again.  If there were no struggles, would we ever know true forgiveness?  And how else would compassion be learned?  

My traumas taught me about hope, trust, patience, reflection and planning along with forgiveness and compassion.  I heard Martin Luther King had said, “Struggle is about hope.”  His words helped me accept my angst in caring for my aging parents.  Also enlightening and comforting, was a copy of a Teilhard de Cardin’s prayer, “Above All Trust in the Slow Work of God.”  That prayer seemed to find me whenever I really needed to let go and trust things would eventually work out.  I also remember being very open to everyone and everything around me during that difficult time.  My heightened awareness to the people, places and things I encountered daily was the source of my learning, along with reflection and writing that helped clarify the next steps I needed to take.

I sometimes long for that heightened alertness that made me so very present to what was going on around me, but not the accompanying trauma. Lately, I tried applying Bessel A. van der Kolk’s recommendation to hover calmly and objectively over my thoughts, feelings and emotions as a way to access mindfulness and not let my emotions hijack me.  It did help me respond to others more calmly and made me want to plan for better outcomes in daily living.  Remembering to hover is the tough part.  

What if we could all know struggle stands for hope and to trust mindfulness will eventually lead us to better life outcomes?  

Ressurection

God is...

What if there was no mystery surrounding death? What if the real mystery to be solved is in learning how to live through the many physical and metaphorical deaths we encounter in this life?  After completing a workshop on the “Nature of Mortality,” I was reminded of what is so easy to forget—that we are each unique, with problems stemming from things that no one can assume to understand or fix; and that we can each view the same things differently—including physical death. So then, who’s the teacher?  Through workshop participants’ reflection and sharing, I was reminded the teacher is within!

Our facilitator, Cathy Gawlik, skillfully drew us within through handouts of poems to which we attendees underlined words that stood out for each of us.  Then we reacted to our selected words with pen in hand.  I was surprised how the ink flowed onto my paper from underlining these closing words in a poem by Rumi, “…I cannot say the flavor of my being apart.”  Paradoxically, what I wrote does capture the flavor of how it now feels being apart from my husband who died in 1975. 

"The void between us is so vast and yet is non-existent.
 Pain, so intense, somehow bridged the gap.

Slow healing drew a veil on the one life we shared." 

Maybe death is the Ultimate Facilitator.  It encourages me to make meaning out of life.  It reveals my heart--both its grace and need.  There I can converse with mystery, with God, in whom I place my trust.  And there I can rejoice with those who have already melted into the sun and are dancing.

What if we all took time to reflect on the many deaths we experienced and therein find new life?         

Indigenous Self

God is . . . 

In my memoir “God Never Hurries” I wrote:  ...I awoke in the middle of the night.  My room was bright with moonlight.  It called me outside to write.  Downstairs I put on a warm jacket and went out to soak in the heavenly light.  The evergreens were casting deep shadows.  The apple tree and grape vine glowed holy.  I bet I looked pretty good too in that Godly light. 

The air was super still in the cool quiet night.  In the neighbor’s yard a lone cricket found enough warmth to manage a slow chirp.  The barn a couple of blocks away released the smell of cows and hay.  And it seemed I faintly heard traffic on the freeway though it is well over two miles away.

I looked up at my bedroom window and saw Mr. Edison’s incandescent light.  It didn’t look like progress against this holy night.  Early ancestors, and even not so long ago, Native Americans must have had better nourished souls living closer to this Godliness.  I prayed, “Dear God, I know we can’t go back.  So please show us how to nourish our souls in this ever changing world.

Answers to my request on that glorious September night in the late 1990s started coming gradually after I sensed caring for myself was imperative as I struggled with my aging parents care needs.  l began to feel a part of something bigger than myself when on ritual walks in nature where I would find solace in reflection and found answers to some of my troubles.  Those walks helped me sort out what being human means, and to better understand how inextricably life is linked to the many small and big deaths we encounter on our journey.  Our ancestors had hands on experience with so much in nature which must have brought them closer to the living and dying experiences from which our modern, compartmentalized lives, seems to separate us from. 

I made the prayer feathers pictured above at a Women Gathering retreat given through Way of the Willow last August.  (See August 5, 2013 blog post titled “My Spider” and what my totem animal came to teach me.)  On the mornings I remember to hold my feathers and face each of the four directions and pray my day goes so much better.  Facing east, the place of Illumination, I thank the Great Spirit for what has been shown me, and ask for more.  Facing south, the place of Trust, I give gratitude for what trust has taught me and pray for more.  Facing west, the place of Introspection, I am thankful for what reflecting has brought me, and ask to go deeper.  Facing north, the place of Wisdom, I am thankful for what wisdom has come to me over the years, pray for more, and ask that it always be balanced with heart.  I close my prayer at each direction with a request, “Help me know what to let go of today, help me know what to embrace.”  Way of the Willow also just held a day of reflection on the Meaning of Mortality (see link to the program’s opening video, The Meaning of Death).  There I was able to share the annual Pre-funeral Luncheon I wrote about in my January 6, 2014 blog about old friends getting together to share what is important to them and to wink at death.  And then I had a rare opportunity this past weekend when my children, grandchildren and I were all in the van together to tell them about the green burial workshop I attend recently and learned about options for in-home care of the dying and the dead, and a new, even more environmentally sensitive option to cremation, the resomation process.  And I am thinking now, maybe I am becoming a budding indigenous grandma.

What if we all found ways to touch our indigenous selves?                   

Courage and Synchronicity

God is...

This past week I have become aware of the inter-relationship between courage and synchronicity.  And somewhere I remember hearing or reading, "Synchronicity is another word for God."  It took courage to make the irrevocable choice to have my constant companion, sweet yellow lab Ben, put down last week.  Thoughts returned to another time in my life when I needed courage while struggling with my aging parents' care needs.  In my memoir, "God Never Hurries," I even wrote a recipe for courage. The main ingredients are:  "...accept my fear; trust my mind, heart and gut; trust God; trust others and learn from their reactions...".  I think the need for courage to do hard things puts me on a heightened sense of alert where I become aware of the messages God sends through others and the natural world.  

The vet's recommendation to "not wait too long"; my niece's e-mail, arriving at the height of second guessing my decision, included a quote I once shared with her, "Indecision cuts like a dull knife;" and my neighbor's tearful telling of how very sick Ben looked the last time she saw him out in the yard, all felt like messages from God that it was okay.  An even before I knew of the futility of his diagnosis my shopping cart had rolled past a giant Kleenex sale display for twelve boxes of 230 2-ply tissues.  God knew I would need them.  

In the four days between my decision and scheduling the vet to come to the house, Ben was totally cherished.  My daughter's and my service was outstanding.  On Ben's second last walk to the woods my daughter came along and  took a picture of us about to cross the bridge over the Milwaukee River.  Just before Ben died I told him he would soon see Bear again and you guys can wait for me.  I'll come later.  He died with his tail wagging.

What if we could all cherish one another, feel totally cherished, and die with our tails wagging?      

Pre-funeral Luncheon

God is...

The New Year got off to a good start with a telephone invitation to the third annual pre-funeral luncheon.  It looks like it will be an annual affair from now until nobody knows when.  I am grateful to the couple who host this unique gathering of old friends.  Criteria for attendance had been you had to be 65 years or older to attend.  I hear this year an under age couple is coming.  I saw the wife of this couple in the grocery store after last year’s second annual pre-funeral luncheon and told her what a unique and fun time it was and now she thinks they should be included because her husband has graying hair. 

Just like death it’s a little uncertain when the pre-funeral luncheon will take place for it is either on the Green Bay Packers’ first playoff game or the Super Bowl.  I’m really glad the packers made the playoffs so we don’t have to wait until the Super Bowl to gather.  And thank God the threatened TV blackout for the playoff game was averted.

The format for our gathering is the host couple provides multiple main entrees (way too much food) and drinks, with attendees bringing side dishes.  We eat before the game and during dessert we each share an assigned message with the group.  I think last year we were asked to share what we think is the most important thing in life.  I don’t remember what I said last year; I’ll have to check with the host for he keeps a file (for later).  If I was asked the same question this year I’d say forgiveness is the most important thing in life.  But this year we are to bring our favorite quotation, which made me anxious (there are so many) and I even fretted about what kind of salad the group would enjoy.  Then less than an hour after the phone invitation both my favorite quote and the perfect salad just came to me when I was calm and not thinking of either.  Which goes to show I still have anxiety and trust issues to work on along with the need for less perfection.

The quote I will take this year is from my late crone friend, Rosemary, to whom I dedicated my memoir “God Never Hurries,” and in which I wrote:  The freedom to be wrong was a priceless gift that came from my dear friend Rosemary.  Through a mistake of her own she learned to say, “This is what I know and believe today, but ask me tomorrow and I may know it a different way.”  Humility graced her.  And I just finished making a tangy beet salad with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, summer savory, salt, pepper, feta cheese and walnuts to be served on a colorful bed of organic baby greens.

Life and death are so inextricably intertwined and yet we keep death at arms length and in the shadows.  The pre-funeral luncheon is an opportunity to let us flirt with death, ponder and share what’s important to us in this life, and eventually be part of our own eulogy.  All this and enjoying one another’s company and a Packer game too.

What if we all had the opportunity to wink at death while still warm and ponder what’s important in the company of friends? 

2013's Blogging Gifts

God is...

The following is a look back on thoughts from “What if …God Never Hurries” from April through December’s 2013 blogs:

Share time, talent and treasure; know your and other’s unconditional worth; be kind and tolerant; suspend judgment of self and others; listen; dialogue respectfully; allow everyone a voice; employ reason, cooperation and coordination; find a good coach; be a good coach; learn teamwork; stay in the game.

Nature heals; keep your eye on the big blue ball we live on; live simply and sustainably; everything is connected; strength and order flow from the interdependency of diverse communities; be curious; question; trust your mind, heart and gut; all that lives is holy; equal opportunity and adequate resources for everyone benefits us all; freedom workers everywhere deserve deep gratitude; share what difficulty taught us for the good of all; forgiveness transforms; understand complicity.

Suspend anxiety for things undone and the need to be perfect or right; look around and know all is good; use the written language with power and creativity; combine gentleness and strength; heal one another through laughter and tears; trust what comes, comes because it needs to; celebrate what doesn’t get done--enjoy the present; laugh and smile daily; let go of feeling too responsible; hold the questions with infinite patience; find joy and new ideas in the accomplishment of others; there is always a choice versus the victim role; be not afraid; remember serenity, take sanctuary time (rest, breadth and going within); return to being faithful without incrimination; pray daily, “What do I need to let go of today?  What do I need to embrace?”

Admire cheeky courage; affirm courage with a smile and, “You are very brave;” the voice of God within sings for peace not war, love not hate, and acceptance not rejection of the other and creates deep bonds; befriend both light and darkness—let pain be pain and mystery be mystery; silence feeds abuse; oppression hurts everyone; suffering brings deep meaning to the surface; be present to whatever is; honor pain and let it grow us into more caring people; while sitting with pain, breathing and praying eventually reveals the next step toward growth; pain brings awareness of Compassion dwelling within us--creativity flows from compassion, be part of a healing community; presence equals Presence.

Common people do have common sense; empower one another; work tirelessly for a more just world; we have the freedom to be wrong; humility is a gift from our mistakes; we are all evolving; evolution is about randomness, differences and change; we need good paternal and maternal instincts to help us; asking the right questions is critical when seeking truth; the capacity for reflection transformed us into the human species; we can guide the process of evolution to take us where we want to go; pause and reflect; getting upset is so unproductive; how I react to what I bump into determines my progress or decline; catch someone doing something right and praise him or her; smile more; cooperate in small groups using consensus; every student, regardless of age, needs to have a vote in major decisions affecting them; human nature goes beyond self-interest; the idea that self-interest promotes the common good is profoundly wrong; respect and highlight diversity; search for ways to end global poverty; we each play a role in evolution; ask “What do I need to keep me more balanced?” And above all, trust in the slow work of God.      

What if we are all called, and none of us is worthy, and it is all about forgiveness? 

Siren and Flashing Lights

God is...

I pulled over to the curb to let the speeding police car go by as I was on my way to the dog park with my yellow lab Ben. But instead of whizzing on by, the flashing lights pulled up behind me.  Truly puzzled I asked the officer, “What’s the problem?”  He told me my license plates are expired.  I told him that can’t be because I always take care of that kind of thing as soon as I get the notice.  To which he responded sarcastically, “I wouldn’t be pulling you over if I hadn’t verified with Madison that your plates are indeed expired.”

As I waited in the car for the officer to return with my citation I remembered a note I wrote to myself after a previous unpleasant experience.  My note said, “Getting upset is so unproductive.”  I don’t always remember that wise conclusion, but bumping into the law the other day actually became a blessing for it caused me to pause and reflect on the fact that I have been too narrowly focused of late.  Loosing my vehicle registration form in a mess of papers was the proof along with other things I have let slide.  

Lately I have been bent on finishing David Sloan Wilson’s book “The Neighborhood Project – Using Evolution to Improve My City One Block at a Time.”  After I found my registration form and wrote the check, I picked up the phone and called the library to extend the due date on Wilson’s book.  It was so easy to do and relieved me of much unnecessary stress.  It makes me wonder how much else I could let go of, or extend till a later date.  Ironically the siren and flashing lights verified what I am reading.  Life is a pinball machine and how I react to what I bump into determines my progress or decline.  The ability to reflect on my experiences is the vital spark that transforms, and being flexible in how I respond determines my success or failure.  And ultimately I see I am still in process—learning to trust more and remembering that all good things can and do take time.   

Thank God for Ben for he always makes sure I get out EVERYDAY.  Which reminds me we are way overdue for a good long off leash trek somewhere.

What if we could always stop and reflect when bumping into unpleasantness?                     

So Who Are We?

God is...

David Sloan Wilson shares some of Teilhard de Chardin’s (1881 – 1955) ideas on how we have come to be who we currently are.  Even though the Catholic Church forbid this priest, paleontologist and mystic from publishing his work, friends did so after his death.  David Sloan Wilson writes, “For Teilhard, the vital spark that transformed us from a mere species to a new evolutionary process is the capacity for reflection…the power acquired by a consciousness to turn in upon itself, to take possession of itself as an object endowed with its own particular consistency and value…to know oneself…to know that one knows. …  For Teilhard, there had to be an atmosphere of trust for reflection to get started in the first place.” 

Wilson attributes modern dysfunctional social life to a lack of trust in one another—think bitter political disputes for which the only goal is to beat one’s opponent.  He states, “Left unattended, cultural evolution will take us where we don’t want to go.”  Small groups, with trustworthy social partners are seen as essential to counteract dysfunction.  He uses the metaphor of the human immune system for it is profoundly cooperative requiring a team of agents performing different functions that are in constant communication with one another.  Alternatively, a dysfunctional immune system eventually destroys its host.  He says what’s needed is a meaning system that respects factual knowledge as scientists and scholars do, and then use that knowledge to implement values.  To sustain a functional social life we must listen, reflect and give meaning to our goals.

One of the factual studies Wilson cites is of a transformational first grade teacher who taught school for thirty-four years in a poor neighborhood.  As her former students became adults they were measured for grade of education completed, occupational attainment, and condition of their home.  Sixty-four percent of her students scored in the highest category, compared with only 29 percent for students of the other teachers.  When the other teachers were asked how this first grade teacher taught they said with a lot of love by expressing confidence in her children, vowing that no child would leave her class without being able to read, staying after school to help struggling children, and sharing her lunch with students who forgot theirs.   Sloan says gardeners would understand these stunning results since they “…know that a small difference in how the seedlings are tended can make a huge difference in their yield at the end of the season.”

Looking back over my 70 years I can see how small groups of people helped me evolve and overcome the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.  But I believe my greatest assist came when I reflected and wrote each evening for three years as I struggled with my aging parents care needs.  And Teilhard was definitely with me during that difficult time for when life got especially tough I would stumble across his prayer, “Above All Trust in the Slow Work of God.”

What if we all belonged to a trusted small helping group and reflected each day on our struggles?  

Recycling Pain

God is...

This past week I have been pondering on how this mysterious God of ours, who somehow lives within each one of us, can grow us through suffering.  It brought me to see God as the Ultimate Recycler taking heartbreak, shame, guilt, rejection, abuse, fear, anger, abandonment, or whatever, you can fill in the blank, and use it for our transformation.  This, however, is not an automatic, quick, one-sided process.  It does require our full participation, awareness, patience, trust, and work.  

It seems the very first step in the recycling process is learning to sit with the discomfort, letting pain be pain and mystery be mystery, and trust good will come from it.  And while sitting with my pain, I have found breathing and praying eventually reveals the next step needed toward growth. 

I would have never volunteered to be widowed at age 33, with three young children, but it did bring me to know a capable woman who could provide for her children, could learn to balance a check book, maintain a house, yard and car, and lead me to develop talents I didn’t know I was capable of performing in the world of work.  I would have never opted to lose my youngest son at age 21 to mental illness but it did make me more aware, compassionate, and less judgmental of others.  I would have never chosen abuse and Alzheimer’s disease in my parents but it taught me to see God in all things, to know I was worthy of good self-care, to look for my complicity in any trouble, find my voice, and lead me to know true forgiveness and reconciliation.

Teilhard de Chardin wrote: “…it is the law of all progress that is made by passing through some stages of instability and that may take a very long time.”  What if we could all trust the Divine recycling process?

Remembering Community

God is...

Having spent much of this past week with just my dog and daughter’s cat for company my thoughts have turned to community and the three days I spent earlier this month on retreat with other women seekers where we experienced compassion for one another and became a healing community.  In the preface to Matthew Fox’s book, “A Spirituality Named Compassion,” he writes: Compassion is not an abstraction, but an entry into our own and others’ pain.  And joy as well. … Compassion is not merely a human energy; it is integral to the universe.  ...Compassion is a mystery. …our very essence, the very best of ourselves is to practice compassion.  … Compassion is important to wounded and oppressed peoples, and to the survival of our planet.    

When I struggled with my aging parent’s care needs, the compassion of others who cared sustained me.  My pain touched others as well.  In my memoir, “God Never Hurries,” I recount words I spoke at a church reform convention’s small breakout group titled “Patriarchy to Partnership.”  I wrote:  I felt empathy for a man in that session who was struggling to understand complicity.  In response to his frustrated disbelief that we all hold some responsibility for abusive patriarchy, I said, ‘My father is a tyrant.  I suffered most of my life under his tyranny until God showed me my complicity and I started standing up to him.  I am now the only one in the family who stands up to him.  My father is still a tyrant, but I am no longer his subject.’  After I spoke those words I felt a new level of acceptance and deeper change taking hold in me.  Applause from the group surely helped along with some hugs at session’s end, but most affirming were words from one woman who said, “You really helped me.”

During that most difficult time in my life I never met some of the people in my helping community but only spoke with them on long distance phone calls.  The following is from my memoir:  Outside of alerting social services agencies that my parents now had no care, and my mother could be in serious jeopardy, there was precious little I could do except trust God had a plan and accept whatever happens, happens.  Pouring my heart out to these professionals over the past two years had not been in vain.  Now the greatest help they gave me were their respectful long distance voices.

What if the next time we are “Wherever two or more are gathered together…” we look for the mystery within us that is named Compassion, and respond to one another with respectful voices.