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| The Mystery within... |
Spiritual consciousness is not easy to define, achieve or
maintain but I know I experienced an awakening to a Divine presence in my everyday
life. Paradoxically, grief and struggle spawned comfort and affirmation, much
of it coming in the natural world.
Feelings of desperation led me to look for and find answers in everyday
experiences. It was the hard work
of accepting my pain and disillusionment, learning to be true to myself, and
trusting good would come of it that made all of life more clear. I came to know everything is a both and
thing, and its all about forgiveness.
From "God Never Hurries":
"Silence is a
both and thing. It is golden when
I curb my ego and silently accept another's shortcomings in the name of
kindness. It is a gift when it
leads me to reflect on the messages in my life. But silence also feeds abuse, and as Anne LaMont writes in
Bird by Bird, '…we are only as sick as our secrets."
* * *
"I helped my
mother bathe. I felt my touch
asking for her forgiveness. I saw
it in her eyes. My heart wanted to
stay. My head said, 'Go'; my back
said 'Hurry; my soul said 'Leave.'
Things were not meant to change then. There is a line in Diane Ackerman's book "Deep Play",
'…there are truths that can only be learned when you're dancing in chains.'
* * *
"Forgiveness
benefits were many and were said to come from the head and the heart and
resulted in emotional control. It
was said true forgiveness is not trivial for it transforms who we are. Freedom and a more real view of life
are its fruits. Forgiveness is
also giving up resentment and coming to view the perpetrator with compassion. Who wouldn't want all that, I thought?"
* * *
"The week had
unfolded with everything falling into place for a new infrastructure. But the next evening when I pulled into
my garage, my muscles were again tight.
My mother had been very lucid when I left and her words were clear. She asked if she could come home with
me and spoke of no family care.
But I left her there in the care of strangers and just let pain be
pain."
* * *
"In God's valley
a gentle shower of fine snow crystals fell from a high cedar bough. When I lifted my maturing face to them,
I felt a gentle blessing."
What if we all knew spiritual consciousness in everyday
experiences?
